Twenty Strange Secrets
by Mariagoner
Summary: Twenty facts about Larsa and Penelo, found during and after their first worldsaving adventure. Contains some Vaan X Penelo friendship, Larsa X Penelo romance. Now updated with a posthumous piece!
1. Why Penelo Loves the Taste of Potions

This (no longer!) stand-alone piece is inspired by the "Twenty Facts About..." meme for the Harry Potter fandom and dedicated to my wonderful friend Xiayou (though I dearly hope she doesn't mind the last minute change in gift topics!) She has a gift for choosing the most amazing cards, making the prettiest icons and cheering me up by way of her wonderful journal entries and comments. ;)

Happy upcoming New Years, everyone!

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Title: Twenty Reasons Why Penelo Loves the Taste of Potions

Fandom: Final Fantasy XII

Pairings: Larsa X Penelo

Rating: PG-13, some sexual allusions

Summary: Twenty facts about Larsa and Penelo, found after the game. Because love was never meant to be fully rational in the first place.

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1. Life, Larsa had once told her, was a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. And they, as she has once told _him_, were far too intelligent to just feel their way through everything.

2. But that's only part of the reason why she has always thought of whatever they've shared together as a comedy, not a tragedy. He's made her laugh far more often than he's made her cry and that label is the only thing that fits.

3. Life probably should be a tragedy for them. God knows their lives have had more than their fair share of mutual tragedies and deaths-- and that isn't even going into the whole lovers-doomed-by-their-different-stations-in-life thing that they've got going on.

4. But Penelo has had too much practice at being sensible already, and wants nothing more than to be something else entirely. So every morning when she wakes up besides him, she makes sure to start his day by telling him the absolutely _filthy_ jokes she filched second hand from a very drunk (he'd be too afraid to tell them to her otherwise) Vaan.

5. And the way the rumor mill goes into a tizzy every time the emperor of Archadia breaks into a fit of random laughter at otherwise humorless Senate meetings makes all the hang overs that come from trying to drink her insatiable partner under the table worthwhile.

6. Even after years of working as a clerk for Migelo's Sundries, largest purveyor of potions and potions-based products in the Rabanastre area, potions remain a largely acquired taste for Penelo.

However, when said potions began to regularly come to her through the conduit of her lover's lips, she learned to acquire it quite quickly.

7. Secretly, Penelo has always thought that Vayne Solidor was rather attractive, in a I'd-plan-your-imminent-downfall-as-soon-as-look-at-you sort of way.

Luckily, she's also bright enough to realize that telling Larsa this would be equally insane.

8. Larsa was born tone-deaf and did not, up to the point in which he met Penelo, have any idea why music was so loved by almost everyone else around him.

But whenever he watches Penelo dance-- with her hips and her breasts and her back and her legs, with all of her body pressed against his-- he thinks he finally understands why all the fuss about it exists.

9. The first time Larsa kissed her, he did so as though he were desperate, as though he was dying, as though he were seventeen years old and unsure of everything and trying to hold on to something despite that. Hands braced against the wall, he had crushed his hips against hers and pressed his thin chest against her soft breasts and kissed as though he was sure that she'd dissolve like a dream in an instant.

But Penelo had never been the sort of girl that would melt away in the morning mist; one trembling hand fisting around his hair, she had kissed back with as much passion as she had in her to give.

10. Larsa has always been willing to lie to others when it's necessary. That's why he pretends it doesn't bother him at all when Penelo talks about being a sky pirate again with something other than nostalgic wistfulness.

But he would never stop her from going, if that was what she really wanted. He loves her too much to keep her caged.

11. When Penelo was just twelve, she had injured her leg so badly on a trip to the Giza plains that bone had snapped clean through her skin. For a time, she hadn't even been able to move from her bed because of the pain. Though she eventually regained the ability to walk, run and even dance through the streets of Rabanastre, she has never really stopped resenting the mark left behind.

But the first time Larsa runs his tongue along the silvery white scar on her ankle, all she can do is whimper in a way that agony can't possibly create.

12. Nowadays, Basch-- also called Judge Gabranth-- always smiles at her when he sees her entering Larsa's private chambers.

One day, Penelo promises herself, she'll even stop blushing.

13. Love, real love, is all about choosing someone who'd choose you back-- but only for the right reasons. And so, Penelo had once told Larsa that she'd choose him out of all the world... if only he did the same.

But all he had done was laugh and bury his face in her hair and tell her that he had chosen her since he was twelve years old and known no one else could take her place.

14. Penelo lost her virginity when she was only fourteen, when she was young and innocent and hopeless and ignorant, and when all the certainties of her world seemed ready to dissolve away.

And he had been young too, only seventeen for all that he was a new recruit in the Dalmascan army. He had been young and she had been in love and even now, she has never been able to think of that last year of Dalmascan freedom without first thinking of Rek's shaking hands or shuddering breath or the silver tracks her tears had made on his yet unbroken skin.

She has never told Larsa of this because she doesn't want to torment him with what might have been. Sometimes love was as much about what was left unsaid as it was about what was spoken.

15. Conversely, Penelo has never asked Larsa about who _his_ first bed mate was. She is all too afraid of a red haze descending over her eyes, one which would only lead to her ripping the head off of whatever harlot first had him in a jealous rage.

And though he'll never tell her, that notion would only result in self-mutilation, considering that said harlot is none other than _herself_.

(No one ever said love was particularly rational anyway.)

16. Larsa has loved her since he was twelve years old, since his world first broke apart, since the touch of her hands upon his shoulders had been the only thing keeping him sane.

17. Penelo doesn't remember when she started loving him and doesn't think it much matters either. As long as she has his hands entangled in her own and his laughter ringing in her ears, she'll let history sort out its own pretty tales.

18. Despite everything that seems willing to go wrong in their lives, their love story is going to be a comedy, not a tragedy. Somehow, Penelo vows, she'll make sure of this-- no matter what the current narrative seems to indicate.

19. From the first moment she realized she was in love, Penelo has measured out her life by every breath they share together.

20. She doesn't know yet that Larsa does the same.

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Author's Note: The first true fact was inspired by Horace Walpole's observation that "life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel."

And if you enjoyed or even disliked this piece, please leave a review for your friendly neighborhood fanfic author. I very, very, _very_ much appreciate every critique I'm given. :)


	2. Spells Cast From a Still Untested Staff

This is just a short, though hopefully still funny, addition to an early "20 Facts" fic I whipped up at the last minute as I thought about Penelo, who is certainly one of the cutest yet least fleshed-out characters in the Final Fantasy XII universe. And so, in a fit of madness, I decided to try and make her as much of a real person as much as possible... and this little bit of fluff and madness resulted. Don't ask me why, people... it's the result of my unconsciousness and you know how little control I exert over _that_ part of my anatomy. ;) There may be a chapter for Larsa or Vaan appearing soon... but I can make no promises now!

This is especially dedicated to Naviechance, because her Penelo still rocks my socks off months after the fact. Here's to a bit of mid-January cheer, everyone!

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Title: 20 Spells Cast From a Still Untested Staff

Fandom: Final Fantasy XII

Pairings: Hints at Penelo X Vaan and Penelo X Larsa

Rating: PG

Summary: She once killed a man in Rabanastre, just to watch him die... A list of 20 random things that Penelo has said and done by the middle of her i first /i world changing adventure.

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Penelo:

1. Has always thought that all the princess in the fairy tales she heard as a child were hopelessly stupid. She had grown up wanting to be all their fairy guardians instead. At least they kicked _some_ righteous ass on occasion, instead of standing around waiting for some ridiculously perfect prince to come save them.

2. Somehow grew up to be a damsel in distress herself somewhere down the line, much to her own consternation. Though at least her knight-in-shining armor turned out to be much cuter than she ever thought possible.

3. Is both in awe of and terrified by Lady Ashe, mostly because she seems as though she would not hesitate to stick her sword right through someone's _eye_ if they squinted at her hard enough.

4. Likes fire. Likes it _a lot_. To the point where Vaan still freaks out when he sees a case of matches around her.

(And to think-- everyone thought _she_ was always the responsible one.)

5. Is a lot tougher than she looks. Even though she's barely 5 bloody feet in height and still prays nightly for a growth spurt.

6. Knows that she's not going to be the leading lady of the current story and is already reconciled to the fact. There's time enough for all that _later_, after all.

7. Mostly resented her brother (who almost single-handedly raised her when he was alive) and desperately misses him now.

8. Is best friends with the most witless, tactless and hopeless twit in _all of Ivalice_, despite her own good sense. And loves him more than anything else still existing on this earth.

9. Actually enjoys shaking her (literal) money maker at the Muthru Bazaar. It keeps her in shape and gets her better tips than being a shop girl ever could.

Besides, dealing with all the perverts who think that they're entitled to pinch her squishy parts because they had too much to drink really honed her right hook.

10. Already has pinged onto the fact that her new friend, Lord Larsa, might like her more than any of his rod-up-the-rear advisors would like.

(Though of course, the fact that he keeps falling to one knee and pledging to be her protector as long as she needs one was a bit of a give away. Even _Vaan_ had noticed that, for the love of Occuria.)

11. And secretly gloats juuuust a little bit about it, even if it _is_ only a crush that'll fade in time. After all, not every girl can boast a son of an emperor as an admirer… even if he was a bit pint-sized right now.

12. Once killed a man in Rabanastre, just to watch him die.

(All right, not really, but the jerk had been asking for a come-uppance after stealing money from the local orphan's charity pot. And having to dodge the wave of guards trying to figure our who sent out that fire spell that burnt off his eyebrows _was_ pretty funny at the time.)

13. Always gives money to that weird little kid that asks for one gil to recite a bit of local history. She knows what it's like to be young and hungry, after all.

14. Talked back to her Bangaa kidnappers mostly because she figured that if she was going to die, she might as well go out with a bang. Possibly, this was due to the fact that she had been friends with Vaan for far too long. She was young and innocent and it wasn't her fault.

15. Lied in that last part. In the end, she had chosen to do just what she wanted to. And no orphan of Dalmasca stays innocent for long.

16. Never thought she'd be saved by a prince with pretty hair, silly tights and boots with alarmingly high heels.

But then, Larsa always _was_ an early bloomer.

17. Secretly is fond of the idea of one day being a sky pirate, if only because it would help keep Vaan out of trouble. He couldn't find his arse with an atlas and has no idea of what to do in a bazaar. Left to his own devices, even if he could _locate_ treasure in the first place, he'd barely be able to make adventuring pay off afterwards.

18. Rather enjoys her self-appointed role as her party's medic and is already experimenting with creating a powerful, potentially ground-breaking piece of magic that would automatically bring a person back from the brink of unconsciousness. If nothing else, it _would_ make her occasional-- and _very_ ill advised, not that that ever stopped them!-- drinking contests with Vaan that much more fun.

19. Often wonders why Archadians seem to hold onto some obscure hierarchy of frilliness (their current emperor looks like he's wearing a ruffled bathrobe, for god's sake) and if Vayne ultimately turned evil because he didn't get to dress like a cream puff as a child.

(Thankfully, this was certainly not a mistake being made with Larsa. Which is good, since the idea of a Larsa gone mad, bad and dangerous to know seriously makes pain radiate out between her eyes.)

20. Really, really, _really_ likes the idea of one day saving the world.

(Which is good because at this rate, if her little party doesn't end up dying some hideously ironic death at the hands of nethicite-crazed villains, that was just what might end up happening after all.)


	3. Things the Late Emperor Left Behind

If I was to blame for her last fic, **Mithrigil. **is in turn the inspiration for this! Really, I blame her-- and the apparently terrifying Vulcan mind meld of fic about older Larsa that we share together. ;)

In any case, this was something I felt that more or less _needed_ to be written. And this is yet another part of The Uses of Enchantment series (which includes A Sort of Fairy Tale, Songs in the Key of Strange Minor and Love Letter), though reading the earlier parts aren't necessary to understand this piece.

And as always, comments, criticism and corrections are always welcome and loved.

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**Title: 20 Things the Late Emperor Left Behind After He Was Gone**

**Fandom: Final Fantasy XII**

**Series: The Uses of Enchantment**

**Characters/Pairings: Mostly Larsa gen, some posthumous Larsa/Penelo, Cast**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Summary: Every man, especially a great man, leaves behind some imprint of himself within the world.**

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"A man sets out to draw the world. As the years go by, he peoples a space with images of provinces, kingdoms, mountains, bays, ships, islands, fishes, rooms, instruments, stars, horses, and individuals. A short time before he dies, he discovers that the patient labyrinth of lines traces the lineaments of his own face." -Jorge Luis Borges

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20 Things the Late Emperor Left Behind After He Was Gone: 

1. First and foremost, 23 words from his eldest son.

"His Majesty has departed for better parts now. Please alert the populace that we are all due a rather _interesting_ change in times."

2. A rather curious lack of dry eyes among the royal family in the wake of that announcement, except among his grand-children.

The youngest daughter of the late Emperor, having sojourned from her court and medical conclave within Ordalia, spoke dismissively when asked about the lack of grief among the eldest in her family. "What is there to mourn anyway? He was a great emperor and an even greater man and I know that wherever he is now, he will carve his own happiness out."

3. The once-scandalous and now almost quaint custom of reveling to Dalmascan dances while court is being held. Though often attributed to his late wife, those grand lords and ladies who still recalled the forty-some years of the Emperor's marriage assured his biographers that the both of them had done their part to popularize them on the dance-floors of the royal palace.

"I didn't particularly care for her," one of the eldest ladies of the court recently admitted, "though I'd have to be a complete fool to tell the Majesty-- old _and_ new-- that. No, I thought and _still_ think he could have made a better political match for himself if he wanted such-- or a better looking mistress if he was after _that_ much. But she did make him happy, even if she was a complete ninny when it came to court manners. And the way they used to dance up till the time she fell ill-- well, it was almost enough to make you believe that he could have done worse in choosing a wife after all."

4. The disappearance of an old retainer, who had remained faithfully by His Majesty's side for the last of his days but vanished shortly afterwards.

"Perhaps," another senior judge suggested, any hint of a smile hidden by his helmet, "he and His Majesty merely found themselves treading the same path at the same time. But then, Judge Gabranth always _was_ the most faithful of us all, to both the late Emperor and the Empress. Where they walked, he would eventually follow."

5. Over 200 new parks, museums and libraries, open to the public with only nominal fees.

His eldest daughter and chief architect had smiled about such when asked about such. "My father always _did_ have a tendency to appreciate public spaces, didn't he? But then, out of all else in the world, I think he knew how important it was to properly appreciate what beauty we have in us to find, both inward _and_ out."

6. Even more importantly, over 300 new grade and trade schools throughout the territories of his empire, open to the public as long as they have the talent to do well at them.

The same daughter had beamed even more proudly when asked about such. "Do you not believe that the real might of our empire now lies more within our minds than in our arms?"

7. The words of a Viera beauty whose age could not be discerned by conventional means.

"He always _did_ reach forward to a future that seemed ready to embrace him, did he not?"

8. Over 242 archives worth of papers, containing a total of over 200,000 paper documents, forms, signed notations and treaties detailing a little over five million words altogether.

Anyone who enquires will be told that the clerks of Archades hope to finish sorting and making sense of all and sundry by the time _this_ period is properly considered antiquity.

9. A few scandalous tid-bits from a retired washer-woman who had once worked at the palace while the late Emperor had been a famously uxorious newly-wed.

Apparently, the laundry staff in those days often had to go through his late Majesty's bed-sheets with concentrated Marlboro-derived bleach to preserve the beauty of the linens he had once laid upon. "I know His Majesty and Her Majesty were just hitched," the great dame later said, "but some of the stuff they got up to-- dear God! When those two got started, especially after she had just come back from traveling, you _knew_ you had to break the heavy-duty stuff out."

10. Joyeux and sword-breaker, recently gifted to his eldest grand-son.

"I am," the boy recently admitted, blushing a bit, "perhaps not as competent at wielding them as I ought to be. I fear that I might do them less honor than they deserve. And yet, given that I am his name-sake, I _am_ honored that they have been passed down to me."

He looked up and smiled just then.

"Given how wonderful a grand-father he was, how could I not be?"

11. A rather astonishingly large industry of biographers and scholars who _still_ struggle to reconstruct the more intriguing facts about the Emperor's personal life.

"It's a pity, however," one sighed in a recent interview, "that though the late Emperor was a public figure since the age of 12, he proved to be so adept at concealing his private life. To this day, we still don't know exactly why he became so enamored with a young Dalmascan street dancer-- not that I slight the late Empress' personal charms of course-- before his voice had even broken. What in the world was _that_ about?"

12. The promise of peace for at least a few more generations hence.

"If you think of it carefully," the new Emperor said, hands lightly resting against his father's old staff of office, "my father was even more brilliant than most gave him credit for. It was not enough for him to ensure that practically all of Ivalice had been bound in treaties and ties that assured that destruction for one meant a round punishment for all others. No, he went even _further_ and assured that destruction for any of us meant an even worse economic drubbing for _all_ of us, considering how interdependent our economies are now. Rulers might gladly sacrifice their people for further power but their pocket-books are risked far less often!"

13. Three famous lines from a love-letter sent to his wife on one of her first diplomatic trips abroad:

"You move me, deeply; you move me, gravely; you move me as no other on earth could ever harbor the hope to do so, either in this world or thereafter. You move me, love, till I know not when I face north and when I face south, since I always find myself looking toward where you are. Tell me that you shall come back as soon as you can-- it shall not do to expire of longing now that I've finally won the right to touch you anytime I like."

14. Three even more famous lines from the letter back:

"Larsa, what am I supposed to do with a man as sweet and strange as you? I suppose I'm just going to have to fly back as fast as fast as this rickety old air-ship can manage. After all, you're perfectly right-- I can't have you die now that I finally won the right to have _you_ anytime _I_ like!"

15. The subsequent conversation among his children.

"Does this mean we'll have to start revising the original 'No patricide, no matricide, no regicide, no genocide' revision to our coat of armor?"

"Ah, I think we ought to just leave it. With all the in-breeding we're _still_ doing, our _own_ children might need the reminder in the future."

16. From the grave of his wife:

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."

17. From his own marker:

"Who knows of what dreams will come when we leave this body?"

18. The following comment from an old friend, otherwise known as the Dread Pirate Ratsbane:

"Bah, the old bastard always _did_ know how to go out with a bang, didn't he? Too bad he always had to drag _my_ best friend along."

19. Curiously enough, _not_ his wedding ring.

20. And finally, the nagging suspicion of some of the highest in Ivalice that the funereal services rendered to him might have been a tad embellished, when all was said and done.

"You _do_ realize," Queen Ashelia of Dalmasca said when prompted, "that His Majesty always _did_ like keeping a few tricks up his sleeve, right? I wouldn't be surprised if, perhaps, the reports of his death were greatly exaggerated."

She tapped her staff of office almost gently against the floor of her court.

"Oh no, I wouldn't be surprised at all."

* * *

And a few attributions that need to be made: 

"...What dreams will come when we leave this body?" -William Shakespeare

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." -Lao-Tzu

And finally, the idea of Vaan being the Dread Pirate Ratsbane is yoinked from the ever-excellent Mithrigil. I thieve from her with much audacity now!


End file.
